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Relationship problems? Checkout the pulling forces

Pull Perspective: A decision-making tool for solving relationship problems

Decision-making tools come in handy when you are having difficulty in managing relationships.

A direct current (DC) motor is formed of an outer magnetic static part and an internal rotating part. When a current runs through the inner part and the electromagnetic field, this causes it to rotate 180 degrees in repulsion to the opposite magnetic pole. To make a full circle, you must change the poles of the electromagnet.

woman in black long sleeve shirt sitting on brown wooden chair
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Imagine a real-life situation that describes a decision problem. There are two equal forces that are pulling you apart and you cannot move.

Sometimes, one force is greater than the other, and you turn in one direction, while other times, you rotate in the opposite direction.

To solve this problem, you need to think about the forces that are pulling you and stopping you from moving forward. The force might be an opportunity versus a tradeoff. This is the Pull Perspective decision-making tool. It is best used for two options decisions

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Marriage Problem Example

Imagine you want to propose to your partner, and whenever a perfect chance to propose comes along, you get second thoughts. At one pole, you want to raise a family together on the opposite side; you are afraid of commitment, the financial burden, and that after a couple of years, your passion might fade away.

Seeing the proposal problem from a “force pull” perspective rather than a “pros and cons” perspective can help you solve this problem. You need to work on either pole and start to cut the circuit of power to one of them. Cautiously work on each argument separately one by one, like defusing the wires of an impending bomb. Either you cut the wire entirely or dampen its effect.

In our proposal problem, you obviously want to get married, so you need to work on the other pole. In this scenario, the best way to dampen or cut the wire is to communicate your doubts with your partner. Start saving money right now to ease the financial pressure later on or ask her to split expenses such as the house mortgage. Get engaged for a year and see how things go along; make the first step.

Family Relationship Problems Example

A “Pull Perspective” also helps you solve problems by giving you a different way to look at the problem. Sometimes, looking at the force pulling the problem is better than asking the question of “what?” Say you are having difficulty communicating with your teenage son or daughter, and you need to decide on the best way to communicate with him or her.

He/she doesn’t listen to your advice and always sits alone in the bedroom. Better than asking, “Why doesn’t he/she listen to me?” you should ask, “What is pulling her/him from us?” Then you work on the force that is pulling him/her away.


The Pull Perspective decision-making is best used for decisions involving two sides. It is very helpful in tackling relationships.

A. I. Shoukry is the founder of The Decisions Academy and a bestselling author.

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